June 13th, 2021

  I am so happy to share that this is the last week of chemo and radiation!!!

  When I first heard that the treatment of both chemo and radiation was going to be 6 weeks, I was feeling overwhelmed. I have helped a friend who is now in remission from breast cancer and I had a good idea what was to come. Except she didn't have a feeding tube placed in her like I have had to do to gain weight. I am one of those folks - 'eat to live'. I will not take food for granted, especially for my health. This is why I have a feeding tube. At first I was bothered with it but have finally adjust as I will have to continue to wear it at least a couple of months or more to make sure I don't have any complications. 

 My weigh fluctuates right now. For instance, before I found out the diagnosis for esophageal   I had gone from 126 lbs. down to 106 lbs in 2.5 months. Most recently, one day I would weigh in at 107lbs but went back down to 100 lbs. I weigh 103 lbs.And now it is worrisome if I continue to lose weight because it will affect the outcome of the rest of the treatment and major surgery which will keep me in the hospital for 6 nights to monitor me. UGH. I am not a fan of hospitals. Sigh.

 I was experiencing 7 days of vomiting this past week. It was weird that it was almost late evening when the nausea would come and make me me so miserable. This is why I wasn't on social media much. I kept trying to write in my blog here but I just felt like crap. I didn't have it in me to write.

 Thankfully, another anti-nausea pill was prescribed. It has made a world of a difference. I am able to sleep through the night. The nausea has reduced to almost nothing. And, I feel so much better for that adjustment. Speaking of drugs and the pain killers, Damon and Amanda (our daughter) monitor me when I take my medicine due to my addiction to alcohol. They trust me and that is a wonderful feeling. Thank you, Damon and Amanda,  for your hard work in keeping me on track with the medicine. Your support and unconditional love has given me strength to forge on and keep fighting! This sentiment, also, goes to all my family and friends.

 Chemo and radiation have wiped me out, physically and emotionally. The day after chemo finds me sleeping a lot. I need to rest up as much as possible to get ready for the major surgery later this summer.

 The most recent experience that has me finally to accept the the cancer and to adjust to whatever the doctors is that hair is falling out in clumps. At first I was mad but don't want to be that patient who dwells on 'woes is me'. This started last week. I can't afford to have negative thoughts. I want to get better! DANG IT! It's embarrassing that my hair falls out anytime and anywhere. Today was the first time I experienced hair falling on the kitchen sink. It freaked me out that the time of losing hair has arrived.

 I am going to make an appointment to shave my head completely. It's been fun doing research on hair scarves/hats for cancer patients/survivors. I am already embracing the bald head. If you have any suggestions for stores or organizations that make beautiful hair scarves/hats. I REFUSE to wear a wig. Too much sweating for me from past experience in wearing a few in school plays. No thank you. I will pass on the wigs. Thank you for any suggestions!

 One the chemo/radiation are done, I am SO looking forward to getting back out and about to take some photos. Serious photography withdrawals here - sigh. I received a new Nikon camera that I have not been able to get it set up. This has to be done because I am one of the worst procrastinators.

 My bedroom will be finally painted. There was a conflict of scheduling in getting it painted. I simply cannot wait to showcase and appreciate the beautiful photos that many KOMO#SoNorthwest Legion of Zoom on Facebook (here is the link - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1454064118012123). I look forward to making another sanctuary here. 

 The photos (some wonderfully framed and metal) are going to add a peaceful and tranquil ambience in my bedroom where I will be spending some time after they surgery. Thank you the members who gifted me their photos! I am just giddy! 

 Looking froward to ringing that bell to mark my milestone of finishing my treatment!

 Sending you all much love, smiles and appreciation. Thank you for continuing for being the positive in my life. I couldn't get through this without you all. I love you all!

Have a wonderful and safe week ahead.

With much love and gratitude,

Lien