Wow...I am sitting here and excited to finally get back to writing. It has been a long few months of not writing. To be honest, I have not wanted to write as I had NO idea what I was going to write and how I was going to address why I have not been writing here. It is because I have been given quite a few blows and challenges recently which I have worked on overcoming in these last few months. This explains why I have been really down.
So, I have no idea where to start but here goes...!
Writing is something that has been severely missing in my life and am really glad to be back! I have been writing in a notebook but it is NOT the same as putting it into my blog here. Writing is absolutely great therapy for me and just so relaxing.
I am coming up to 2 years of sobriety on October 6th, 2011 and feeling fantastic about it. Had you talked to me last week, you would not have seen this enthusiastic attitude you are witnessing. It is a TRUE miracle that I have come this far in my sobriety as the most number of sober days I had was...61 days.
I am still in awe and proud of how far I have come. This could not be happening without the support and love from alot of my really good friends, my mother, Damon (my husband), my children and a couple of my siblings.
These last two years have been quite a struggle. And yet, at the same time a wonderful personal growth has blossomed. I am grateful to have the positive support team that I have surrounded myself with on a daily basis. Whether it is attending recovery meetings, talking on the phone, chatting with friends on the internet (Facebook primarily and Google chat - they are free for both national and international connections) or e-mail. Oh and, yes...more importantly...face to face contact, of course!
I am choosing not to focus on the difficult months I experienced as I want to live in the here and now. I attend personal (and intense) therapy to work through those times. IT is very hard to share such emotions as they were running high (and still are) at times and was a negative affect on my close friends and family. BUT, my therapist, whom I have been seeing on a weekly basis, has truly been very instrumental in helping me to get through this time and providing me with tools to stay focused in a positive way. I am ever so grateful to my therapist even at times when I wanted to walk away from our therapy sessions many times over.
This song, "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree holds a special place in my heart (as many songs I share here on this blog). I think of this song each time I am feeling overwhelmed...
There is a strange but wonderful feeling that I am experiencing right now. I feel so at home on this blog...I can write what I feel and share my life here without any restrictions or barriers being put up. I am at ease.
All those challenges in the last few months seem like ages ago...yet the reminders are still with me. We are all human. We say and do things that makes one wonder..."Why did I just say or do that?" or "Was that really necessary, Lien?" Taking inventory of one's life is important. Therefore, I strive to achieve to have a healthy, positive and productive life. SO, these reminders I mentioned earlier...encourages me to re-evaluate myself and try to think of ways to get out of the negative mind frame and move into a self-empowering direction, instead.
IF I don't constantly do this and not do it on a daily basis then TRULY, I will become complacent and will drink again. That is what happened when I didn't have the self worth and positive outlook on life...it lead me back to drinking. AND I do not want to go back to where I was. Or else, I will physically die...health wise.
My motto on a daily basis is to live life "one day at a time".
Embrace life; choose wisely; live wisely and give wisely...of yourself.
I am in a very happy and positive place. AND it is because I have wonderful people in my life who remind me that I am worth living and breathing. Ahhh....life and love.
Here's another song, "Reach for the Stars" by S Club 7, that resonates such positiveness in my life now. A great upbeat song that you just can't help but tap your feet while reading this and just SMILE! :-)
Thank you for reading this entry. Love and smiles from me...Lien :-)
