My emotions have been all over the place lately and am not sure how or why they appeared to be so severe this time around. They could be coming from the many challenges I've had to deal with since April 15th, 2013 when my mother had her stroke. One could surmise the following to be contributing factors to me having had a near nervous breakdown last week... my pre-menopause; having a crazy schedule with helping to care for my mother 24/7 with my sister; our improved financial situation (which I am not used to having); balancing my own family life, watching my children become near adults, my marriage and etc.
What I do know is that I needed to get my emotions under control or it would have lead me to drink again. Once again this is a trigger for me that I know all too well. So, if I didn't find a way to get a grip on this now...I was going to be in deep trouble.
I, recently, came across this attached photo with the following quote which has been helping me tremendously to focus on the positive in my life.
"Sometimes you have to stop staring at your problems
and start seeing how beautiful your life really is."
- Unknown
and start seeing how beautiful your life really is."
- Unknown
The other thing that comes to mind here is that my life is now finally falling into place.
This is new territory for me.
My life is definitely by far from perfect but it is a lot more stable from the days when I was drinking. I am making better choices, ie. having a healthier diet that includes fruit and vegetables and cutting out as much carbohydrates and sugar (Earl Grey tea is and always will be a staple in my diet - wink!) as possible, finally getting a couple more hours of sleep at night, communicating with more clarity instead of cowering, letting go of negative thoughts and people in my life, most importantly... learning to stop saying "I'm sorry" when unnecessary and learning to say "no" (without the guilt trip). The list could go on but I don't want to bore anyone here.
Challenges can make one become truly stronger without realizing it. I can so attest to this. My reaction to unwanted and unwarranted situation and circumstances has surprised me recently...in a positive way. What I have discovered which I have known all along from the beginning of my sobriety is that I cannot control people, things and events. It is just not possible nor realistic. I just never applied it until now. Better late than never. So, now I let things happen. I have inner strength and determination to become stronger each and every day.
I have used the 'woe is me' routine far too many times instead of saying to myself, "I am NO longer the person I was over 3.5 years ago! Heck, I am not even the same person I was 5 years ago...and THAT person was scary and dangerous (more to myself than others - unless behind the wheels of a car)." Today, my husband pointed this out and shared with me that I have changed...both inside and out in the past 3.5 years. This was my aha moment.
I, usually, start off being upset with the challenges and issues that I have been facing with daily which always got me into a place where I knew that I cannot be in whatsoever. Or I would have wanted to simply...give up. That would have definitely lead me to the first drink. AND trust me, I have been thinking about it a lot. Terrible thoughts about that first drink have been swirling in my head. I was saying to myself over and over again..."I have gone over 3.5 years, I can handle it. Right?" Absolutely NOT!
Being stronger now has helped me to say NO to the first drink. And what a relief to know that I can stay strong and feel empowered.
This is NOT to say that just because I can say "NO" now that I am above those who cannot. I just have decided that I am the one making this choice to not drink. I am the one who has to live my life. No one can tell me differently. We all have different approaches and decisions to make to determine what kind of life we want to have and live.
My way is not any better or right. It is just my way. I will never forget in my first inpatient rehab stay that it was shared to remember that your way is yours...and yours alone. It is your life. And I learned that you can't let others share negative thoughts or encroach your life that would not be conducive to your sobriety.
I am thankful that I continue to stay strong with positive people in my life. I have a great family support system and selected friends who know me inside and out to guide me with positive reinforcements.
Writing all this out helps me as well and makes me focus on how beautiful my life really is, especially in this world where this is so much danger, deaths and other unfortunate situations that take so many lives, young and old, without warning. I am so glad to be alive, still sober and to share my way of coping with daily challenges and hope you can take whatever you can from this blog entry to help you get sober...stay sober.
Thank you for reading this. Your presence helps me to stay sober. AND for that, I thank you for being here with me now and for being a part of my life.
This song has been one positive reinforcement in my sobriety through and through...
"When You Believe" (sung by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey) lyrics:
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
Mariah:
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe (Whitney: When you believe)
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill (Whitney: Mmmmmhhh)
Whitney and Mariah:
Who knows what miracles
Mariah:
You can achieve (Whitney: You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will
Whitney and Mariah:
You will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your faith
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small but still resilient voice
Says hope is very near
There can be miracles (Miracles)
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
When you believe
Sweet smiles from -
Lien
