July 11th, 2021

 The last two weeks have been not easy as I find myself getting frustrated that I can't eat nor have a bowel movement. Nice introduction to this entry. Right? I am doing everything that is asked of me to do. 

And at this moment, I am crying because I feel so lost and alone. Life is happening around me. Damon and the kids work during the day. And some nights, the kids go out to the lake or have friends over at their house. They have to live their lives.

 I did have a wonderful visit with my dear friend, Heidi, last week. And I got a hair trim from my wonderful friend, Julie! All is not that lonely.

 I am supposed to rest up for the big surgery on August 9th. For those who know me, I have a hard time staying still. I like to keep busy!  I find myself falling asleep on the couch a couple of times a day. I guess my body is telling me to sloooow down. 

Today was the first day I went out that didn't involve doctor's appointments. Damon wanted to go to the Pike Place Market to get a couple of bouquets of flowers to set up one of his new listings to get ready to sell. When we got to the Pike Place Market, the whiff of delicious food made me jealous of those enjoying the food. I have not had solid food in ages and am starting to get antsy of wanting to be able to eat and drink. I can't even drink water without gagging, except once or twice I was able to to take a sip and swallow. Even here at the house when the kids and Damon have dinner, I find myself going up to the backyard deck to get away from smelling the food and watching them eat. Soon, I have been told - 4 weeks post surgery. We shall see. Crossing my fingers. I have a list of food I want to eat as soon as I am able to swallow! 

I have been enjoying talking walks by myself or with Amanda/Kevin (Amanda's boyfriend)/Damon. My walks have gone from 2 to now 3 a day! It's been wonderful to get the exercise. Amanda commented today that I am walking a little faster than two weeks ago.

Saw these beautiful roses on one of my walks!

July 12th, 2021 (cont'd)...    

 My brother-in-law and his wife stopped over last night which is why I am picking up where I left off now.

 Tomorrow is the CT and PET scan appointment to determine how much of the cancer was shrunk from the chemotherapy and radiation treatment. This will help to decide what will be done for the big surgery scheduled on August 9th. I am nervous about the big surgery. But, I have faith that my guardian angel is watching over me and pray for the best.

 I have been keeping myself busy with a routine that I like to have so that I am not bored or lazy. It's only this past week that I feel energized but I make sure to pace myself.One thing I love is that I am down to ONE pain medication. I was on quite a few which has made me constipated and it's not going well for me in that department. I have heard that folks have had to go to the hospital to have that taken care of by surgery! NO! I don't need another hospital visit! Praying the laxatives I am on will do the trick! Sigh. Wish me luck on this, please! 

 My garden keeps me busy, too. And I am loving it! It's really grown into a lovely sanctuary where I go when I am feeling down. We need to refresh the supply of mulch for the backyard! Hope we can get that done before the surgery. If not, then it would be nice to have it done while I am in the hospital, in addition to painting my room as planned already. Crossing fingers everything gets done. 🤞

 Will write more after tomorrow's CT and PET scans.

 Sharing one of my favorite sunset photos since I have not been able to get out to take photos, especially the sunset ones.

With love and gratitude,

Lien 

 July 2, 2021. 

(It feels so good to have my hair shaved before the Pacific Northwest heatwave last week)

It has been awhile since I have written in the blog here. The combination of the prescribed pain medication and working through the side effects from chemo and radiation have taken a small toll on my energy level which explains my absence here on my blog.

I decided to shave all my hair off to honor all cancer survivors, those who are still fighting cancer (like me at this stage) and for those who lost their lives to cancer.  

Last Wednesday, I experienced 102.5F fever, nonstop coughing and asthma all at once. It turned out that I had pneumonia therefore the ER doctor on call suggested I stay at least three days to be monitored. It was SO hard to get any sleep in the hospital, especially with the heatwave we just experienced. Happily, I was discharged a week ago today, Saturday...two days before the actual heatwave to hit the Pacific NW. The air conditioning at the hospital was not cool enough. The hot air from outside was stronger than anticipated. I started to get hot...very hot and then got the chills. This gal here does not do well in hot weather!

There are hardly any veins in my arms for the next visit as they have all been tapped out from all the blood tests taken. Hopefully, when the scheduled August 9th surgery to get the rest of the cancer out that the veins can replenish the blood(?)...crossing fingers and prayers, too...please! Thank you, in advance.

Thank you to some great nurses and nurse assistants who took very good care of me and were able to get me through my stay at the hospital. There was a lot of bantering and laughter, albeit professionalism was still in tact. 

I did not want to stay a minute more as I felt so claustrophobic in the hospital room with hot and cold moments that were occurring which frustrated me to no end! When I was discharged on Sunday, the nurses were sad to see me go. I look forward to sending a surprise thank you card with some humor as we really got each other on that level. It was wonderful to interact with these nurses as we uplifted each other's spirits as the days wore on there. And the heat wasn't helping. 

Speaking of heat. One of Damon's friends gifted us a window air conditioner, recently. And the timing couldn't have been more perfect. So grateful to Damon's friend for the air conditioner. It has made my life more comfortable. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. Honest. Life is still beautiful. 

I am on antibiotics for the pneumonia. And we are down to oxycodone for pain relief. I have Damon or Amanda administer the medicine for me to hold me accountable. There have been concerns on the number of pain pills given to me. It feels good that oxycodone is THE only pain relief given to me as I did not want to end up being addicted to it. There is absolutely no need to take any other pain medication at this conjuncture. Addiction runs through me and I, also, cannot afford to get addicted to it. Life has given me a second chance. There is NO WAY that I am going to screw that up. I have worked too hard on my relationships with family and friends. I will fight to keep it that way.

A CT scan and PET scan are scheduled in the second week of this month. They will determine how much of the cancer they were able to kill. Then the surgery in August is set to go into the stomach area to remove the rest of the cancer (Esophageal) out of my body. They will go in there to patch up the stomach and Esophogus to keep the cancer out. That is what I got out of the conversation with my Oncologist. I will talk to the surgeon with more questions my daughter and I will have going into the appointment before the scheduled surgery.

I won't deny that I am scared. However, the support team I have through friends and family will help me to get through this next couple of months.

With much love and gratitude, 

Lien 🙏 

The sound of water flowing through this river gives me great peace.