July 11th, 2021

 The last two weeks have been not easy as I find myself getting frustrated that I can't eat nor have a bowel movement. Nice introduction to this entry. Right? I am doing everything that is asked of me to do. 

And at this moment, I am crying because I feel so lost and alone. Life is happening around me. Damon and the kids work during the day. And some nights, the kids go out to the lake or have friends over at their house. They have to live their lives.

 I did have a wonderful visit with my dear friend, Heidi, last week. And I got a hair trim from my wonderful friend, Julie! All is not that lonely.

 I am supposed to rest up for the big surgery on August 9th. For those who know me, I have a hard time staying still. I like to keep busy!  I find myself falling asleep on the couch a couple of times a day. I guess my body is telling me to sloooow down. 

Today was the first day I went out that didn't involve doctor's appointments. Damon wanted to go to the Pike Place Market to get a couple of bouquets of flowers to set up one of his new listings to get ready to sell. When we got to the Pike Place Market, the whiff of delicious food made me jealous of those enjoying the food. I have not had solid food in ages and am starting to get antsy of wanting to be able to eat and drink. I can't even drink water without gagging, except once or twice I was able to to take a sip and swallow. Even here at the house when the kids and Damon have dinner, I find myself going up to the backyard deck to get away from smelling the food and watching them eat. Soon, I have been told - 4 weeks post surgery. We shall see. Crossing my fingers. I have a list of food I want to eat as soon as I am able to swallow! 

I have been enjoying talking walks by myself or with Amanda/Kevin (Amanda's boyfriend)/Damon. My walks have gone from 2 to now 3 a day! It's been wonderful to get the exercise. Amanda commented today that I am walking a little faster than two weeks ago.

Saw these beautiful roses on one of my walks!

July 12th, 2021 (cont'd)...    

 My brother-in-law and his wife stopped over last night which is why I am picking up where I left off now.

 Tomorrow is the CT and PET scan appointment to determine how much of the cancer was shrunk from the chemotherapy and radiation treatment. This will help to decide what will be done for the big surgery scheduled on August 9th. I am nervous about the big surgery. But, I have faith that my guardian angel is watching over me and pray for the best.

 I have been keeping myself busy with a routine that I like to have so that I am not bored or lazy. It's only this past week that I feel energized but I make sure to pace myself.One thing I love is that I am down to ONE pain medication. I was on quite a few which has made me constipated and it's not going well for me in that department. I have heard that folks have had to go to the hospital to have that taken care of by surgery! NO! I don't need another hospital visit! Praying the laxatives I am on will do the trick! Sigh. Wish me luck on this, please! 

 My garden keeps me busy, too. And I am loving it! It's really grown into a lovely sanctuary where I go when I am feeling down. We need to refresh the supply of mulch for the backyard! Hope we can get that done before the surgery. If not, then it would be nice to have it done while I am in the hospital, in addition to painting my room as planned already. Crossing fingers everything gets done. 🤞

 Will write more after tomorrow's CT and PET scans.

 Sharing one of my favorite sunset photos since I have not been able to get out to take photos, especially the sunset ones.

With love and gratitude,

Lien