(Photo: LTT - taken at Greenlake in Seattle, Washington)
"We never know how much time we have on earth here, therefore, we mustn't take life for granted."
I, often, hear this and am often reminded that life is indeed too short which is why I need to embrace the changes in my life in a positive manner. It is not easy at times but I know that when I am in a negative place in my thoughts and feelings, it leads to unhealthy attitude and reaction which causes emotional distress, mostly on my part.
The changes I am sharing here are big steps that I didn't think would happen but knew in time, they would. Timing has definitely been the key as it has given me this opportunity to continue to build a stronger faith and courage in myself.
The first change to share is that I am making strides to return to the work force at my own pace, in a realistic way. Today, I started a part-time temporary position at a local Shoreline temp agency assisting the office manager while the owners of the business are on vacation for 10 days. It was exhilarating yet nerve racking and very rewarding at the same time. Having a small break from caring for my 92 year old mother and knowing that I am able to help contribute, financially...albeit a minor amount... is so rewarding! While I was at work, I was feeling really good about myself which had me smile a lot today.
Another one of the wonderful changes is my deferred DUI prosecution which has been, recently, dismissed after 5 years of being on active and inactive probation. This was a HUGE weight lifted. I have NO idea how I got through the first 2 years when I had to actively go and see my probation officer on a monthly basis to 'check in' with her and in addition, attend outpatient therapy at a local treatment center here in Shoreline. Basically, with the active probation, it was to show in good faith that I was a good girl and keeping my nose clean. And then the last 3 years, it was up to me to not get into any legal wrongdoing...no speeding ticket, no moving driving violation, no drug related trouble anything that would lead to my arrest or having to appear back in court.
So, when I received from my probation officer the following e-mail, my heart was so happy and relieved that I can now, officially, begin the next phase in my life. A new chapter is beginning. How wonderful is that?!
Hi
Lien, I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I have
been crazy busy at work. First off, I am so
incredibly proud
of you! You have been such a great example of a woman in recovery with
your blog and giving back and helping others. I have so much respect and
admiration for you.
As
for your deferred prosecution getting dismissed you do not need to
anything. The dismissal will be done administratively and should be done
on the 8th
or shortly after. They are pretty on top of getting those done on a timely manner. I can check on it and let you know.
It must be my Catholic upbringing of the famous 'guilt trip' that made me feel self conscious about how I conducted my life, accordingly...throughout my probation period. I did everything by the book when it came to my deferred DUI prosecution probation...and always made sure I did everything right. AND I am soooo glad and proud that I did so. Because it paid off to be a GOOD girl and do what I was told throughout the 5 year probation period.
I. am. Finished. Humbled. And. have. Succeeded.
With these two changes, they have truly impacted me in a positive way. The reality of being sober 5 plus years and accepting that I do and always will have a problem with alcohol has given me peace to learn to live with this permanent life change, positively. It has been deep rooted in me since the days of attending outpatient therapy to find some way to help others in the same predicament where I was once a newbie in getting sober in my earlier days as well. I had the opportunity not long ago to speak to at the treatment center during a class there. Not sure if I came across a little too harsh in sharing my story of what alcoholism did to not only my family but to myself - physically, emotionally and realistically. I, also, shared how to deal with not entertaining the idea of that 'first drink. That is the hardest part of early sobriety. No way around it.
It is imperative to accept that everyone has their own beliefs, knowledge of themselves and it is up to them to find their own support group to get them through the tough times of early sobriety and throughout the entire journey of staying sober. And I applaud each and every recovering alcoholic who is able to finally come to grips with the reality that drinking is no longer a part of their life nor can it ever.
The DUI that I was pulled over for back in 2009, gave me the chance to realistically reassess my life choices. Knowing that driving under the influence was NOT a good choice, I do feel that it was a silver lining for me to change my life...once and for all when it came to my drinking. IT was a hard lesson to learn but one that helped me to grow; embrace a healthier life and to be more at peace with myself.
As we grow from our lessons, we must, also, accept that everyone has a story and we must never judge another person's journey. It is not our place to do so. In early recovery, addicts have a strong tendency to blame themselves and beat themselves over it. So, no one needs to make someone new in recovery or someone who may have fallen off the wagon to make them feel worse than they already do. It's not conducive...not at all.
This is where I go back to saying that we really don't know how much time we have here on this earth. SO, please do this for yourself. Make healthier and safer choices. Don't judge. Accept each other in a positive and loving way, unconditionally.
I cannot share enough on how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful and loving support group which makes a HUGE difference in my successful sobriety. Please remember to live life...one day at a time and live it to the fullest. I wish those who are new to the recovery path and for those who have fallen off the sobriety path...all the best from the bottom of my heart.
I share with you a beautiful poem of what matters!
(Photo: LTT)
What Will Matter
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched,
empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.
- Michael Josephson
If you are wanting to share in a chat or e-mail me about your battle with alcoholism or how it is affecting those around you, please feel free to share here in a comment on how I can contact you.
I want to see you succeed. It's a beautiful feeling.
With lots of love, hugs and gratitude!
Lien
