May 5th, 2021

(When I need a little brightening up in my life, I just look to the Seattle Great Wheel down at the Seattle waterfront!)

  Just experienced some great discomfort while trying to swallow the newest pain medication- a small pill that cannot be cut in half or any smaller to make it easier to go down my throat. Per instructions: Swallow whole. Do not chew, break, crush or dissolve before swallowing. Doing these things can cause very bad side effects and death. So whole pill it is with small spoonfuls of yummy (it really is!) applesauce!

  Thank goodness Amanda was in the next room. I was able to ask her to come into my bedroom. Had to text her as calling out for her loudly would have awaken Damon from his deep slumber.

  This is my first day with the new medication (hopefully, this will be the last change in pain medication 🤞). It was suggested that I mix the pill in with applesauce. I must have put too much applesauce on the spoon as the pill just sat there in my throat causing aggravating pain. Dang! That hurt like heck!!!

  It seems to be a daily thing of crying either due to pain or the embarrassment of putting my family through this horrible experience of still not being able to swallow solid foods which has caused unbearable pain. Poor Amanda has had to hear me repeatedly say I just want to die so that you all don’t have to watch me suffer in pain not knowing how to ease my different levels of pain.

  Thank you to Amanda and my family for being so supportive, empathetic, kind and patient with me. 🙏❤️

  Let’s move onto the latest update on the treatment plan with the chemotherapy and radiation.

  Tomorrow I go in for another Covid-19 test as the last test is too far out for the upcoming chemo and radiation starting next Monday. Later in the evening, we will get a call from the anesthesiologist to confirm the J feeding tube procedure which is tentatively scheduled for 6am Friday morning. Did they not get the memo that I am NOT a morning person?!! Sigh. Then I will stay overnight to be monitored and to make sure nothing leaks from the tube or any other complications that might arise.

  Radiation is first on the schedule and then the 3 hour chemotherapy session follows directly afterwards.

  That’s it for the chemotherapy and radiation update. If there are any changes, I promise to let you all know!

   Today’s diet consisted of Ensure, applesauce, one of Amanda’s delicious smoothies and a small cup of some yummy creamy broccoli and cheese soup! Not much but hopefully that will change soon once I have some chemo and radiation under my belt according to my oncologist doctor. 😀 

Time to wipe my eyes and get ready fo some decent night of rest.

  Thank you all again for reading my journal and being a part of  this journey with me!

With lots of love and gratitude... ❤️🙏

Liennie