April 13, 2021

(This is a favorite photo of having tea with dear friends at a lovely Thai restaurant)

 Two more days until the PET scan determines what stage the esophageal cancer is. And this will help us deicide which treatment plan is best for me. We won't know the results until Monday, April 19th - Dr. Marzbani's next available day to see us. 

 April 15th (Thursday on Tax Day), 2021 is the PET scan day.

 But, then it's also the one year anniversary of hosting the Little Free Pantry Judkins Park! It was at the beginning of the Coronavirus pandemic when people were losing their jobs, worried about paying the bills and putting food on their tables. I wanted to find some way to help. And then the idea of a Little Free Pantry came to mind! A friend in Shoreline, Washington started one up many years ago, long before the pandemic.

 There have been some bumps along this Little Free Pantry  but none that we couldn't fix. And we got through some lean and challenging times with food donations. Having great donors is the key to a successful mission 'Feeding one family, one person at a time'.

 I like to stay busy but have been told that I need to rest up before my schedule gets filled up with doctors' appointments in the next few months. So, I have been enjoying peace and serenity of my wildlife habitat garden in the back of our house. Watching the birds chasing each other around and listening to their loud chirping which starts my day off really well. My heart is filled. 🙏

Earlier this evening, I broke down in tears as I am starting to feel overwhelm with doctor appointments, scheduling other appointments that are centered around esophageal cancer and etc. This is REAL. There is NO turning back now. 

On March 29th, 2021, when I heard the word 'cancer' after the endoscopy procedure,  I thought that I had accepted that this was happening. What I ended up doing was hearing it...go in one ear and out the other. I built myself into believing this all to be true. What I didn't realize was that THIS IS true...this IS happening, Lien. No ifs, ands or buts.

What helped me to better understand this new chapter stemmed from a really great heart-to-heart talk with a staff member at my oncologist's office late this afternoon. Not sure how long this staff member has been with Dr. Marzbani's office or in this line of work. But, she knew how to talk to me and to truly listen to me as if I were a family member who needed some guidance on this scary and trying journey. She listened to me. REALLY listened. I will never forget this moment of clarity and someone with a compassionate heart.

I told her that my daughter, Amanda and her boyfriend, are coming out to help take care of me for a month or more. Then I added that I feel guilty and...she stopped me right there. "Don't think like that. Have you thought that perhaps she is your daughter and WANTS to help you get better? Lien, I don't know you but you seem the type of person always looking out for others before yourself. Well, THIS is that time you need to think of yourself for a change. Do you realize how much joy people get when they can give back? Let people be there for you as you have been there for others. Don't deprive others the same joy you get when you help others. Please."

Hearing her words made so much sense and brought a smile to my face. It is time to wipe my tears and let others in my life who truly want to be here for me. Life is short and beautiful. I want others to be in my life during this journey. It's okay to reach out and ask for help. Or say yes when someone offers to help you. Taking baby steps in accepting this new chapter in my life's journey.

Thank you to so many who have said they would like to help me in anyway possible. I don't know what help I need but will reach out when I do. 

You are all so beautiful...inside and out with such loving hearts. 💕

Lien