April 25th, 2021

(This headlight with the eyelashes cracked me up every time I would see this out on my walk in Shoreline - the simple things that makes me appreciate life all the more!)

  This Esophageal cancer is the third life changing event that has made a huge and permanent impact in my life.

  The first one (not by choice) was being adopted by parents in America at the age of 4. My adoptive father had 5 boys of his own from his first marriage. My adoptive mother wanted to even up the family by adopting 5 girls from Vietnam. I kid you not! We girls were adopted at different times. However, one of my sisters (not biological) was brought to the United States when I came here in 1970 and we were adopted at the same time. Our three other sisters were not biological, too.

  The second one (by choice) was getting sober on October 6th, 2009. As I go into my 12th year of (alcohol) sobriety, I think about how my life has drastically changed for the better. Had I not gotten sober in 2009, I promise you this...I would not be here writing this blog. I would have died from Cirrhosis of the liver.  I was pretty much writing my own death sentence at the rate I was drinking. The 24/7 drinking was getting out of hand. I am so thankful to finally get sober. Unfortunately, it took me to hit rock bottom (no one was hurt in any physical capacity - unbearable to think had that been the case) to realize that I HAD TO get sober.

  The third one (not by choice) is the situation I am in right now with the Esophageal cancer. Diagnosed on March 29th, 2021, this has been THE hardest life changing experience I have ever faced. I found this poem which is so appropriate for how we really need this daily reminder that each moment is indeed precious; a time to, especially, hug your loved ones when physically able AND to say "I love you" to those we love dearly - every chance we can get.

Each Moment Is Precious

by Pat A. Fleming

Live in the moment,

Just take it all in.
Pay attention to everything,
Right there and right then.

Don’t let your mind wander
To what’s coming next.
Cherish this moment
And give it your best.

Don’t let tomorrow
Make you rush through today,
Or too many great moments
Will just go to waste.

And the person you’re with,
In that moment you share,
Give them all of your focus;
Be totally there.

Laugh till it hurts,
Let the tears drop.
Fill up each moment
With all that you’ve got.

Don’t miss the details;
The lesson is there.
Don’t get complacent;
Stay sharp and aware.

It can take but a moment
To change your life’s path.
And once it ticks by,
There is no going back.

In just 60 seconds,
You may make a new friend.
Find your true love,
Or see a life start or end.

You become who you are
In those moments you live.
And the growth’s not in taking
But in how much you give.

Life is just moments,
So precious and few.
Whether valued or squandered,
It’s all up to you!

  Oh my goodness, I thought getting sober was tough. 

  Food has been one of the biggest changes and challenges in this journey. I haven't been able to eat solid food for over 2 months now. It has been reduced to just nearly an all liquid diet of Ensure (chocolate), drinkable yogurt and lots of Amanda's delicious smoothies! I ventured out to eating very thin slices of square cut Tillamook Medium Applewood cheddar cheese. It has been a successful venture!

  Savory food has been something I have been craving lately. Done with sweet liquid food, ie. Ensure. Damon suggested the small container of Pacific Foods' Roasted Red Bell Pepper & Tomato soup we had in one of the kitchen cupboards. Oh my goodness! It was delicious!  I need to remember to drink things slowly because if I don't, it will hurt like heck. But, that soup was so good! Pre-cancer drinking days seem like it was just yesterday. Not a worry in the world. Sadly, it just isn't the same now. Sigh. A sign of how things are starting to change for my new normal now.

  It is important for me to stay in the present instead of being worried about tomorrow. That was one of my flaws. I would be constantly worried what was going to happen tomorrow. So, tonight I focus on what I need to eat tonight to keep those calories going in my system to get ready for the radiation and chemo next week. Damon has been reading on a Facebook group page for Esophageal cancer caregivers caring for their loved ones about ideas for dinner meals, especially for those who are wanting more savory meals which was mentioned here.

  I have a set schedule which I don't always adhere to which then messes with my sleep pattern. It would be a great night if I can even get two 3 hours of sleep in between the every four hours to take my pain medication which consists of wearing a 72 hour patch; 7.5 ml of another pain medication and now have just added liquid Tylenol. 

  The change in pain medication has been trying as we are hoping to get onto schedule that will work throughout this next 6 weeks of radiation (5 days a week - Monday through Friday) and chemo (once a week only). I would rather not share what pain medication as being judged for taking two pain medications that can be addictive, especially with my past alcohol addiction. My oncologist and I are on the same page on this pain medication decision making. This has been a thorough process to make sure that addiction is not a huge worry with the oncologist's advice and professionalism. I have every confidence in my oncologist and his awesome team.

  This is my first night in awhile to not be so doggone tired which would lead me to not being able to finish a blog entry. It sure feels GREAT! 

(04/26/2020) That didn't go as planned...got TIRED anyway! lol

Fast forward to today (04/28/2021 at 6:54pm). I got my 2nd vaccine shot today. It made so sleepy when I got home after the vaccine visit. All I wanted to do was go straight to bed and sleep. I have a hard time sleeping during the daytime. But, this time, I just REALLY wanted to sleep. However, I forgot to do something I was supposed to do when I got home. That was supposed to change my pain medication patch which is supposed to be changed every 72 hours to freshen the pain medication location. 

  Thank goodness that Damon reminded us that I was supposed to have a fresh patch put on my body but in a new location on my body. Not sure how long this is supposed to continue. But, I sure hope it's done SOON. I am tired of all this pain medicine yet I know this is helping me to get through the excruciating pain I experience all day and evening. The pain is similar to dealing with heartburn but three times that amount and sadly takes longer to subdue that it finally becomes tolerable. May I ask where that saying "No pain, no gain" originated?? Thankfully, Damon or Amanda wake me up twice in the middle of the night to take my pain medication. However, I try to remember to set up the alarm for both times so they can both get their sleep. They both work full-time jobs. It's the least I can do for them! 💗

  Back to the 2nd vaccine shot done earlier today. Damon and I got there early in hopes they would get in early. And luckily, the schedule seemed to be light over there! Damon and I were elated! As I am waiting to get the shot, the nurse giving the shot was so talkative and shared a lot in the short amount of time it took to put the needle in my arm and taking me to get seated in the recovery area (15 minutes before you are allowed to leave just to make sure you are safe to leave). I thought I talked a lot! But, I knew this nurse needed to talk. So, I listened intently. She asked me questions about my experience so far with the esophageal cancer and how was it determined that I had the cancer. I told her that I only just found out since March 29th, 2021. She was in awe how positive my attitude has been with the cancer and its effects it has had on me and my family. I told her that being a 11 year sober-free from alcohol it affects the entire family when I was drowning in my addiction. Well, the cancer is very similar to the addiction. The entire family and other loved ones are greatly affected by it. Therefore, once sobriety comes to be a reality, it brings families back together in a more positive way once the trust is established and you really want to re-establish that family unit (which I badly wanted but knew I had to work hard at it which has paid off!). 

While I was in the recovery room, ten minutes later the nurse came looking for me to chat a few minutes more. It was a slow period for the vaccination shots and she seemed to want to talk more freely. I thought that was so sweet! In the room where I got my shot from her earlier, she told me she wished we were neighbors so that we can chat A LOT more. What a wonderful compliment. Sure made my day!

  Before I forget, I spoke with one of the nurses for my oncologist regarding my weight loss before radiation begins next week. She said that I would need to get a Covid test and most likely need to be on a feeding tube (yep, sadly. 😢) before radiation begins next week. This will be my 3rd Covid test! Ugh.

  All right. My tired body is calling it a night. Wishing you all a lovely rest of your Wednesday evening. I feel like this is a Sunday night.

 Take care all! Love to you all! 💗

- Liennie