April 9th, 2021

The way I am approaching the esophageal cancer is the same way I did with getting sober. It is definitely one day at a time. It is another lifestyle that I will have to adjust to on a daily basis. Although I am to rest up as much as possible to get ready for chemo and radiation depending on the results of the PET scan, I find myself busy on the computer when I can keep my eyes and mind open. Constantly googling medical terms I don't understand or going online to find things to put into my bedroom haven. 

Damon is giving my bedroom (sanctuary) a makeover so that it's not a boring place to be as I will be hanging out there a lot more than I desire. And the other sanctuary is my wildlife habitat garden in the backyard of our house. When you have a vision to keep your mental and emotional state in harmony, you will be surprised how everything will fall into place. 

I had no idea what I was going to put into my wildlife habitat garden in our backyard.  But, I read up on these wonderful gardens and followed through on three things that the wildlife habitat sanctuary requires: native plants, water and food that all need to be strategically in place to make it not only beautiful but make it safe for the birds from predators.

With my bedroom, there are three things to make it into my safe haven: ambience with soft lighting, beautiful photos of nature (along with peaceful quotes) 7 family and things that bring tranquility to the heart, mind and soul. Everything else will simply follow to the beat of my drum! All negativity leaves this house. There is no place for negativity as I begin to heal and recover from this cancer.

When one is home alone quite often, it gives one to think of what one can do within reason to make this a home of peace, tranquility and full of love. It is my desire to make this a loving and peaceful home.

There are some earlier entries on this blog where I was truly still angry. Boy, what did it take to finally let it go?? My friend, Mary Jo and I love singing that 'Frozen' song "Let It Go" to much of our families' chagrin - LOL! I am so glad that I have moved forward in a positive direction. Where I was going with all that negative baggage nobody knows.

Today was my first visit with the nutritionist, Laura, at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance at Northwest Hospital. Truth be told, I didn't want to be there. Not because I DIDN'T WANT to but I was so tired from not having much sleep and I had taken my pain medication at 6:30am which just made me drowsy. I probably looked like I was hungover as I could bare keep my eyes open. The appointment was informative and the fun bantering made it easier to try to stay alert. 

Laura could not stress enough to get increase the calories and my weight to help with coping  with the chemo and radiation. She mentioned as did Dr. Marzbani that if I couldn't gain more weight, the feeding tube would be the last resort. I truly don't want that. SO, I will be drinking a lot of smoothies, more chocolate Ensure and other supplemental drinks to get that weight UP THERE. She gave us a list of smoothie recipes. I don't think I have ever made a smoothie. However, I have had smoothies though!

I told Laura that I have been able to eat Vietnamese spring rolls (finely chopped up) and cheese...oh AND of course Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies (not sure how that is possible)! Ice cream is not my favorite dessert but I have been able to eat some - 3-4 bites at a time. I was never a big eater before being diagnosed with esophageal cancer, to be honest. I am going to do whatever is asked of me to help myself through this tough time and come out of it much stronger.

I LOVE learning. New words, yep - medical terms are one of the things I love googling or ask the doctor/nurse/nutritionist. I do that when I am reading a book at night (and not falling asleep, yet). When I come across a word that I have never heard of, I google it right away. What has happened to the Webster Dictionary?

Another thing I want to do through this cancer challenge is to keep things SIMPLE. I am enjoying getting rid of a lot of clutter - oh except Damon gets to stay! 😉 The thing is I just want to a lot less clutter and more meaningful things around our house.

I am debating if I want a TV in my room or not. What a dilemma! lol However, I absolutely love watching CNN and other news stations. AND I love 'Law & Order: SUV'. However, I really don't like to watch much TV, to be honest. So, maybe going out to the living room to watch TV and have a break from my bedroom might be for the best.

My goal is to get back into photography. I have been missing it so much. I do get my fill of the beauty of our gorgeous Seattle and of nature through the Facebook group page that I belong to called ''KOMO NEWS Legion of Zoom'. Check it out, IF you are on Facebook and love Seattle AND nature! You have to ask to join. It will be so worth it. There are some pretty FANTASTIC and AMAZING Pacific Northwest photographers whose photos will blow you away!

Here is one of my favorite photos!

I was able to take walks around my neighborhood up until two weeks ago. When the pains in my chest and back were getting worse, I didn't want to be alone should anything happen that would require me to go to the ER. Damon is very busy with real estate...which is a GREAT thing! I take solace being in my wildlife habitat garden and looking around in my front yard. The sounds of those birds chirping away and chasing each other around bring me such joy. The birds are even checking out the water fountains I have out for them...finally.

I am falling asleep again. This seems to be the new norm for me. Sigh.

I will end with how excited we are to have Amanda and her boyfriend coming out next week to help Damon take care of me. I am a low maintenance kind of gal. At least, I would like to think that I am! We will be able to finally hug!!!! Damon and Amanda both have their 2 vaccine doses. Kevin (Amanda's boyfriend), Jack and his girlfriend and I have had our first shots. The second week Amanda will be here, we should all have had our second shots!

What a blessing and wonderful silver lining this is. I am just so thrilled to have family around. Please pray for me that I am not difficult and to refrain from being THAT patient! 😉

All right folks, please go make it a wonderful weekend! And thank you for being beautiful friends and family...inside and out. 

Love you all to the moon and back!

Liennie 💜