April 7th, 2021

Today was my first appointment with the oncologist, Dr. Marzbani. He asked that Damon and I call him 'Eddy'. It was an informative, communicative and relaxing appointment. We went over quite a bit. Before I continue, it was weird to be in the same place where I once worked back in 2008...called Puget Sound Cancer Centers at Northwest Hospital. I never thought I would someday be a patient there. NEVER.

I am not sure what it is, but I truly have a sense of calm that I have cancer...esophageal cancer, that is. It has been shared with me that I should write and tell how I really feel - anger, frustration and etc. To be honest, I don't want to make the time to share them because I am not that kind of person anymore. Anger and drama just doesn't have a place in my heart and mind. I want and need to be strong for myself AND for my family & friends. You all mean too much to me.  

This is MY journey and challenge. So, please, let me share what I want and not share what you want to hear.  

In the meanwhile, I will get straight to the news of the esophageal cancer in my system. It is unclear if the cancer is at Stage 2/3 or if it has gone to Stage 4 because there is nothing stopping it right now. A PET scan has been ordered as a priority to determine where the cancer is. 

A PET (positron emission tomography) is an imaging test that allows your doctor to check for diseases in your body. It uses a special dye that contains radioactive tracers. These tracers are either swallowed, inhaled or injected into a vein in your arm depending on what part of the body is being examined. (Source: http://www.healthline.com/health/pet-scan)

If the PET scan results come back with the esophageal cancer at Stage 2/3, chemotherapy and radiation will begin IMMEDIATELY. They will be on the same day but different times with chemo first and then radiation - Monday through Friday for 7 weeks. I will have my head shaved completely before chemo starts so that my hair can be donated to a cancer charity that needs wigs. If the PET scan comes back with Stage 4, there is really not much can be done according to Dr. Marzbani. Crossing fingers the cancer is at Stage 2/3.

The walls of the esophagus are thick that the whole that allows me to swallow is so small that it prevents me from being able to eat and causing such a large weight loss of 20 lbs in the last 3 months now. Fortunately, my weight is so far staying at 106 lbs for the last 5 days. IF I lose anymore, I will have to go on a feeding tube. We want to avoid this. Dr. Marzbani wants me to get 2,000 calories a day. Crossing my fingers that I can SOON get that 2,000 calories in my system.

Amanda sent me a bunch of goodies to help me with adding calories to my daily intake, especially ingredients to make smoothies.

I will edit with more accurate information, if this is not all correct. There was so much to absorb. So thankful Dr. Marzbani was patient with us in explaining things to us and repeating A LOT. Damon and I are hard of hearing. 

It helps to have a sense of humor which is my self defense mechanism in dealing with stress. Dr. Marzbani is a down to earth doctor. He actually took the time to answer any questions we had, including Amanda who was able to join us via FaceTime.

The bottom line today was that this visit with Dr. Marzbani was hopeful and positive. 

This challenge is definitely a ONE day at time deal. And I am so glad you are on this journey with me.

I got a new robe, Pjs and slippers to get ready for my recuperating after each chemo/radiation session! AND I have a cool wedge pillow. I just received a beautiful prayer quilt from a friend who sent it from some women in her church group. Thank you all for helping me to rise above this challenge with your prayers, private messages, cards and gifts (you really shouldn't!) and cheering me up in your own special ways.

I can't help think about the sadness and concern you are all feeling. I wish I could magically take those feelings away from each of you. I love you all so much. Let's think positive and move forward. 

I so appreciate and love you all! 💜

I will close with the good news that I received my first dose of the vaccination!

Liennie 💜